1. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
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2. If all is not lost, where is it?
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3. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
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4. It was all so different before everything changed.
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5. Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
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6. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
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7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
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8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
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9. When you’re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
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10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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11. It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
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